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Photo by sasint on Pixabay

For as long as I am alive
So will your memory be,
If I had my way
It would transcend eternity,
But since you can’t be with us,
I’ll write you this instead,
To prove that you exist
In places other than my head.

You live in our shared stories
And in the photographs,
In my mannerisms
And in my dirty laugh,
In pie and chips and gravy,
In bowls of cereal,
Both the concrete and the abstract
And the immaterial.

You live in peach carnations,
In the taste of dry white wine,
And in your old possessions
Which nowadays are mine,
Your jewellery and your wedding dress,
Your tapes and your bouquet,
I hope to pass them all on
To my own daughter one day.

You live in Cyndi Lauper tracks,
And in Madonna songs,
To music that you loved
You know I’ll always sing along,
To Grease and Altered Images,
The Eurythmics and T’Pau,
I might not know the words,
But I will muddle through somehow.

You live within my kick chart,
In the marks made by your pen,
Their placement makes it clear
I was a night owl even then,
I feel a little guilty now
For keeping you awake,
But my nocturnal habits
Have proved difficult to break.

You live in words and phrases,
Relics of times gone by,
When people say, ‘You may as well,’
Or, ‘Like a blue-arsed fly,’
These phrases always make me smile,
I hear them in your voice,
They’d be more than just an echo
If I had the choice.

You live behind the mirror,
I can always guarantee
That if I unfocus my gaze
I’ll see you looking back at me,
Full lips, strong jawline,
Killer cheekbones all materialise
I see your face solidify
Before my very eyes.

I hope I have a girl one day,
A girl who looks like me,
Not for narcissistic reasons
Or for vanity,
I wish to pass your genes along,
To know they are preserved,
To give you the longevity
You so clearly deserved.

Soon I’ll have outlived you,
Being twenty-nine is strange,
It’s something I must get used to,
That isn’t going to change,
As for your friends and family
It’s clear they love you still,
We always did, we always have,
And always, always will.

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